3 great books & 1 that's only okay
Lately, I’ve been finding myself telling people over and over again
about a few books I’ve been reading, so I thought I’d share them with
you:
1.
Have you ever felt like you were living in the wrong place? Like you
just don’t really belong where you are? Maybe the people are somehow
fundamentally different from you, or maybe you just can’t get your
career off the ground? There may very well be a good reason for this —
it’s not necessarily you. In "Who’s Your City?",
Richard Florida explains why where you live may be one of the most
important choices in your life, with his reasoning in very clear
graphic form. Some places are just where you have to be for certain
professions. Face it — if you’re in finance, you’d better live in New
York or London. And psychogeography really exists — people really are
different in different locations. The book explained to me why I knew
at a deep level, visiting as a child, that I had to move to the Bay
Area. Turns out that my personality is much more sympatico with those
here than in the New York metro area.
Florida also has a website, http://creativeclass.com/whos_your_city/, but it will make more sense after you’ve read the book.
2. "The Brain that Changes Itself",
by Norman Doidge, M.D., describes how the brain changes in response to
differing stimuli. It discusses, in no particular order, treatments for
autism spectrum disorders, phantom limb pain, how to ward off
age-related memory loss and much more.
The book discusses how
incremental rewards work best to encourage practice -- and practice is
generally how the brain changes. This convinced me to have the
participants in my class last weekend check in with themselves after
each exercise we did, and report the changes that happened on a
subjective scale of 0-10. Wow! I don’t know how rewarding each check-in
was for the participants, because they were experiencing the changes,
but it was really rewarding and motivating for me! Because I wasn’t
personally experiencing the changes, and because there were too many
people for me to personally monitor them in the way that I would with a
private client, I needed another sort of feedback. This was perfect! I
watched as the group made progress from one exercise to the next even
though each participant didn’t necessarily have positive results with
each process. Not only did I want to keep going to see what would
happen after the next exercise, but I also want to teach the training
again — soon!
3. Want to convince your child to eat spinach? Or convince your company to adopt a new policy or procedure? "Made to Stick",
by the brothers, Chip Heath and Dan Heath, one of whom is a professor
at Stanford Business School, tells you how, in a simple, clear and
entertaining fashion. They really practice what they preach! They say
the key to writing convincing copy is
Simple
Unexpected
Concrete
Credible
Emotional
Stories
And back that up with lots of real world examples. I know I’m going to try it!
**********
I
recommend getting these books from your local library (saves trees and
money), but if you want to buy any of them, could you please do it from
my website, which will send you to Amazon? Go to
http://www.888-4-hollis.com pages/resources/recommended-readings.php,
and just click on the title that interests you. Check out the other
books, too while you’re there.
**********
Now for the
book that’s only okay. Oprah has been leading internet classes that are
reaching literally millions of people around the world 9whenaired and
as downloads), with Eckhart Tolle. I applaud them for this. They even
open each segment with a brief meditation. Imagine that, 700,000 people
meditating together all over the world!
And there is a lot to recommend Tolle’s book, "A New Earth".
For example, Tolle has a very cool way of getting people aware of their
energy bodies — he asks you to feel the aliveness in your hand when it
isn’t touching anything, and then expand that to your whole body. (Of
course, he’s much more complete in his directions.) Try it now!
However,
and this is why I am only rating this book so-so, he spends an entire
chapter on what he calls the “pain-body”. Basically, he is
agglomerating all of our less-than-helpful beliefs and memories (what
we’d call parts in NLP), into one global “pain-body”, which “feeds on
negativity” and “seeks more pain”. Yes, there is negativity in the
world, some individual, some cultural and historical. But labeling it a
“pain body” feels really disempowering to me, like there’s a demon
living inside me that will be virtually impossible to eradicate
(because what else do you do with a demon?). And when you make all the
less-than-helpful beliefs into one giant entity, with a life of its
own, you can’t ask what it’s positive intention is, without getting the
answer that it wants what will help itself survive. So — chunk it down
— deal with each individual issue as it comes up, as an indication of
something to be healed.
Of course, Tolle suggests that the way
out is awareness, in a very Buddhist way, which is fine. His first
publisher, Marc Allen, describes Tolle as basically sitting on a park
bench for a couple of years, non-functional, so I guess if you sit
still long enough, just being aware, you’ll get to enlightenment. (A
reader corrected me to say that he sat on the park bench after
enlightenment. Great! So okay, perhaps he got there another way.)
However, those of us on the “householders path” (an ancient and honored
tradition of using our everyday lives as an expression and exploration
of our spirituality), can’t sit still for a couple of years. We must
use our jobs and relationships and experiences to get to enlightenment.
Furthermore, I think there are much better and quicker tools for
healing, including NLP, EFT, and hypnotherapy, among others.
No Gremlins, No Demons, No Self-Sabotage!
I was teaching Hypnocoaching last weekend to a group in Oakland, when a
student’s question started me on a rant about a pet peeve, which is the
very concept of gremlins, demons, or self-sabotage. This is important,
so I’m sharing it with you.
We all have emotional baggage --
internal things that get in the way of us creating what we want in our
lives and businesses. Perhaps you’ve heard these referred to as
‘gremlins’ or ‘demons’.
And we’ve all had the experience of
wanting something, and just as we get really close to achieving it, it
slips away. Maybe you’ve had the experience more than once. And then
you’ve wondered, “what’s wrong with me?” So someone handed you the idea
that you could be sabotaging yourself. This sets up the idea that you
could deliberately, intentionally be stopping yourself from getting
what you want. Nothing could be further from the truth.
What’s actually happening in both these cases is that part of you just wants something different -- and perhaps incompatible.
Just labeling these admittedly less-than-helpful parts of ourselves in these negative ways is doing yourself a disservice. Why?
First, whatever is stopping you from getting what you choose is a part of you.
And you don’t react particularly well to someone calling you a nasty
name, do you? If I called you an idiot, would it make you want to
cooperate with me? No. And calling these parts of yourself nasty names doesn’t make them want to cooperate,
either. Making yourself wrong by saying ‘I’m sabotaging myself’, just
makes you feel bad about yourself, which makes the situation worse,
without offering a solution.
Let’s use my client, Stephanie, as an example. She desperately wants to “take her business to the next level”, but can’t make herself do any of the things that she knows will get here there. She had labeled the part of her that is stopping her a ‘gremlin’, which set up a struggle with it.
What do you do instead of using these destructive labels?
First, recognize that any part of you that is getting in the way of what you (think you) want actually has a positive purpose. Perhaps this part of you was created at another time, in other
circumstances, to get you what you needed or wanted at the time, and
has outlived its usefulness. Or perhaps it wants something good for you
now, that you’re not aware of, or that seems to conflict with what you
want consciously.
Some discussion uncovered that both of Stephanie’s parents were very successful — but they worked all the time, so that she felt ignored and unloved. So the part of her that was stopping her was created when she was about 5, and it was worried that if she were successful, she’d never have any time for herself or her family. So, of course, it wanted her to avoid business success, so that she could have a happy family life, and both she and her kids would feel loved.
Second, honor and thank that part of you for doing such a good job. If it were sleeping on the job, it wouldn’t
have come up! And it’s much more likely to cooperate if you are
respectful of it. Again, if I say to you, “I honor what a good job
you’re doing, and could you please just do your job a little
differently?”, you‘re more likely to work with me than if I call you a
“pea-brained a**hole”, right?
Instead of calling this part of her a ‘gremlin’, Stephanie thanked this part of herself for doing such a good job.
Third, figure out what its positive purpose is, and then help it get that, in a way that works for the rest of you. This is often a sort of internal negotiation.
Stephanie told this part of her that she was grateful for its desire for her to take care of herself and spend plenty of time with her family. And then she explained that it really didn’t work for the rest of her, and in fact, was getting in the way of her taking care of her family — financially. It understood and relaxed. She promised it that she’d make sure to hire people to take some of the burden of a successful business away from her, so that she’d have time to relax alone and time to hang out with her husband and kids. In the end, the part of her agreed, and then also agreed to remind her with a particular feeling when she wasn’t keeping up her end of the agreement.
What
parts of you are getting in your way? If you want help identifying,
making friends with and working with the parts of you formerly known as
‘gremlins’, call me at 888-4-hollis! Stop the struggle! You can do
this. With me as your guide, it’s quicker and easier than you think!
And if you want to learn my processes for doing this, come to my next training -- in November, '08!


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I enjoyed reading something about you. Thank you for being open and sharing (two wonderful attributes!) I have not considered using hypnosis to enhance one's spirit related gifts. Your remarks have created a new thought path for me. Thank you. I hope you have a wonderful day.
Steve07:48 AM PST